Think Twice Before You Discuss This Financial Information With Friends
Money can be a touchy subject among friend groups. Just look at Season 2, Episode 5 ("The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant") of "Friends," which sees Monica, Chandler, and Ross constantly planning lavish dinners and outings, completely oblivious to the fact that their less well-off buddies, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe, are struggling to keep up. When Joey finally works up the courage to tell them, "We three feel that sometimes you guys don't get that we don't have as much money as you," it's awkward and uncomfortable, with Monica, Chandler, and Ross at a loss for how to respond. While situations are often dramatized for TV, especially when it comes to sitcoms, this particular interaction is a common one of the real world.
Discussing financial status with anyone besides your significant other and/or immediate family members is widely seen as taboo (speaking of, can you talk about pay with your coworkers?), with people tending to throw a veil of mystery over how much money they have. If they make less than their friends, they don't want to be seen as someone who's struggling, and potentially be ostracized from future plans. On the other hand, if they have more in their bank account, they don't want to be viewed through eyes of jealousy. Ultimately, though, there's a balance to discussing money with friends. While some aspects of your finances are better left private, others can result in beneficial conversations.
The fine line when it comes to money topics
Whether you've just gotten a promotion — and hefty raise — at work, put a down payment on a spacious home in the heart of town (here are signs you're ready to buy a house, even if it doesn't feel that way), or booked a European getaway, it's natural to want to share such wins with your closest friends. However, there's a fine line between sharing this financial information and bragging, especially if a friend isn't in the most financially secure place themselves.
A good friend will want to hear about your news, but they may not be in the mindset to listen to every detail if they're living paycheck to paycheck (if you are, here's the best way to save money). In an interview with NPR, Otegha Uwagba, author of "We Need To Talk About Money," recommended paying attention to your friend's body language when finances come up in a conversation. If they seem uncomfortable, it's best to not elaborate on your good fortune.
Uwagba added that, if you're in a better financial situation than your friend, you shouldn't gripe about money to them, as it can seem tone-deaf. She said, "... it's incredibly sort of crass to fret about your money worries to a friend whose problems probably outstrip yours. So if you're telling them about these financial successes you've had, now is also not the time to complain about, oh, but so-and-so got more for their book deal ... So I'm like, go talk to your rich friends about that."
Benefits of talking about finances with friends
Discussing money with friends doesn't have to be awkward, though. In fact, if done correctly, and you're sensitive to your friends' financial situations, too, it can be beneficial and eye-opening to talk about money. Kristin Wong, author of "Get Money," told Investopedia, "It can be really hard not to internalize our money challenges and see them as personal shortcomings. Talking about those issues openly with a friend can make you feel a little less alone. Most of us have been there, and there's a good chance your friends have, too."
While Wong encourages conversations around money, she advises against sharing specific details, such as exact account balances. The best route, whether you're financially thriving or struggling, is to keep things general. For example, do let your friends know about your raise at work, but keep your annual income private; they'll want to celebrate your win, and potential jealousy will be kept at bay. On the other hand, if you're in severe credit card debt, simply let your friends know you can't swing fancy dinners and getaways for the time being, and suggest budget-friendly options. If they're truly in your corner, they'll happily oblige.
Additionally, if your friends are more financially stable than you are, use this as an opportunity to learn. Rather than compare yourself to them and get jealous, ask questions about how they climbed the ranks at their company or grew their savings account. To return to "Friends," Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe could've benefited from such advice, instead of holding in their true feelings and keeping their struggles private.